Sunday 4th February 2024
Do Not Despise Your Inner World
"Do not despise your inner world. That is the first and most general piece of advice I would offer… Our society is very outward-looking, very taken up with the latest new object, the latest piece of gossip, the latest opportunity for self-assertion and status. But we all begin our lives as helpless babies, dependent on others for comfort, food, and survival itself. And even though we develop a degree of mastery and independence, we always remain alarmingly weak and incomplete, dependent on others and on an uncertain world for whatever we are able to achieve.
As we grow, we all develop a wide range of emotions responding to this predicament: fear that bad things will happen and that we will be powerless to ward them off; love for those who help and support us; grief when a loved one is lost; hope for good things in the future; anger when someone else damages something we care about. Our emotional life maps our incompleteness: A creature without any needs would never have reasons for fear, or grief, or hope, or anger. But for that very reason we are often ashamed of our emotions, and of the relations of need and dependency bound up with them. Perhaps males, in our society, are especially likely to be ashamed of being incomplete and dependent, because a dominant image of masculinity tells them that they should be self-sufficient and dominant. So people flee from their inner world of feeling, and from articulate mastery of their own emotional experiences. The current psychological literature on the life of boys in America indicates that a large proportion of boys are quite unable to talk about how they feel and how others feel — because they have learned to be ashamed of feelings and needs, and to push them underground.
But that means that they don’t know how to deal with their own emotions, or to communicate them to others. When they are frightened, they don’t know how to say it, or even to become fully aware of it. Often they turn their own fear into aggression. Often, too, this lack of a rich inner life catapults them into depression in later life. We are all going to encounter illness, loss, and aging, and we’re not well prepared for these inevitable events by a culture that directs us to think of externals only, and to measure ourselves in terms of our possessions of externals.
Tuesday 2nd January 2024
Rebuilding Bonds: 5 Tips for Repairing Relationships After Christmas Disputes
The holiday season is a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for some, it can also be a period of heightened stress and tension, leading to strained relationships, particularly with family members. If you've found yourself in the aftermath of a falling out with family over Christmas, it's essential to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and a willingness to mend fences. Here are five tips to help you repair those precious relationships and rebuild the bonds that may have been strained during the festive season.
1) Reflect and Acknowledge
Before attempting to repair a relationship, it's crucial to take a step back and reflect on the events that led to the falling out. Examine your own actions and reactions, as well as those of the other parties involved. Acknowledge any mistakes you may have made and be willing to take responsibility for them. Self-reflection is a powerful tool for personal growth and can pave the way for a more constructive and open conversation.
2) Open Communication Channels
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. After reflecting on the situation, initiate an open and honest conversation with the family members involved. Choose a neutral and comfortable setting where everyone can express their feelings without fear of judgment. Be a good listener, allowing each person to share their perspective. Avoid blame and focus on understanding each other's viewpoints. This creates a foundation for rebuilding trust and fostering a more empathetic connection.
3) Seek Common Ground
Despite differences, there are often shared values and experiences that can serve as a common ground for rebuilding relationships. Identify these shared aspects and use them as a basis for reconnecting. Whether it's shared memories, common goals, or similar interests, emphasizing these elements can help bridge the gap and remind everyone of the positive aspects of the relationship. By focusing on what unites you, rather than what divides you, you can foster a sense of unity and understanding.
4) Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful tool in repairing relationships. It doesn't mean condoning or forgetting past actions, but rather choosing to let go of the resentment and anger that may be holding you back. Encourage family members to express their feelings and concerns, and be prepared to forgive and ask for forgiveness in return. This mutual act of forgiveness can be liberating and create a fresh start for the relationship. Keep in mind that healing takes time, so be patient as everyone involved works through their emotions.
5) Establish Boundaries and Expectations
To prevent future conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship, it's essential to establish clear boundaries and expectations. Discuss and agree upon acceptable behaviors, communication styles, and ways to address conflicts constructively. Setting these boundaries provides a framework for a more harmonious relationship moving forward and ensures that everyone's needs and concerns are considered.
Conclusion
Repairing relationships after a falling out with family over Christmas requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to open communication. By reflecting on the events, fostering open dialogue, seeking common ground, practicing forgiveness, and establishing boundaries, you can work towards rebuilding the bonds that may have been strained. Remember that healing takes time, but with dedication and effort, you can create a foundation for stronger, more resilient connections within your family.
